Tuesday, April 5, 2011

The beginning of it all

Last November this journey began when I took a pregnancy test and it was positive. It was one of the happiest moments in our marriage. We were so excited but still we didn’t tell anyone until my parents came down to visit, we told them and then my husband’s family. Little by little we started telling everyone around us.

We had our first appointment on January 4 and it was official! We didn’t know what laid ahead. On January 7 I started spotting. I called the doctor and they said that as long as I didn’t have any cramps it was normal. When I got home from work it got worse. It went from spotting to bleeding and I started to get cramps. My husband in an honest attempt to comfort me would say that everything was ok. But every time I went to the bathroom I would wipe more and more blood. I knew something was wrong.

My husband rushed me to the emergency room where we waited for hours. I couldn’t believe how lightly they took what was going on. The fact that my child’s life was at stake didn’t seem to matter much, maybe because so early in pregnancy they are not considered humans (by the doctors, anyway). they are mere products. After what seemed an eternity we were seen by a doctor. They did blood work and an ultrasound. When the doctor came back she said they couldn’t find anything. They were going to hope that my hcg levels would go down and that my body would naturally dispose of everything.

I was devastated. All the plans, all the dreams, everything shattered to the ground. I couldn’t stop crying for days. It seemed so unreal. How could God allow this to happen? I was completely confused.

1 comment:

  1. I'm so sorry to read about your loss. Its so hard.