Wednesday, April 6, 2011

The week that followed

The week that followed that Sunday was one of the worst if not the worst week ever. Since we hadn't told anyone I had to show up to work on Monday. The miscarriage was not confirmed and I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do. Monday I sat at work swallowing my tears and just praying that what I was going through wasn't real. The days went by slowly. Bruce had to work till midnight both Monday and Tuesday. I don't remember hurting or bleeding too much those days.

Wednesday was horrible I hurt bad and bled all day long. I was at work and for a moment I considered going home but I didn't. The pain came and went as I sat there knowing what was going on yet trying to deny it and believe a miracle was still possible. When I was finally home in bed Bruce held me and I cried my eyes out. So on Thursday I called the new doctor they sent me to get blood work done and advised me to keep my appointment (yes, the one that was on my husband's b-day). I discused it with him and we agreed that it would be nice that I got off work early on his birthday, that way we could be together.

On Friday I called for the blood work results, my HCG level was 113 or something like that but to confirm the loss they wanted to compare it with the results of Saturday's blood work. On Monday I called again and my levels had dropped to 48. Good and bad news: good because the levels were going down and bad because the miscarriage was confirmed. What an awful day! I went home and cried.

My mom called me that afternoon and I finally told someone. We cried together. It was good to finally accept it and face the fact that it was real: I had lost another baby. I believe that one step to healing is facing the situation no matter how hard it is. It wasn't easy because even when I had seen and felt all that blood (if you have miscarried you know what I mean) I still had hope, hope in the miracle I know my God IS able to perform. My hope is still in the Lord.

No comments:

Post a Comment