Tuesday, April 24, 2012

In His hands

"Be still and know that I am God"

Ever since Evan was conceived we've known that his life is sustained by his Creator. After two miscarriages, the first couple of weeks were scary, any slight cramping or discharge would make us wonder if everything was going to be OK. We held on to the quote above. Our pregnancy progressed and at week 12 we got news that something was not right. Read the story here.

A lot of things happened after that post. We've been to a million doctor's appointments and not only is their report the same but it has gotten worse. Every doctor we talk to has a different story, they range from everything will be OK all Evan needs is surgery to he's not growing so he could not survive long enough, and everything in between. Needless to say I'm over their reports and opinions!

Two ultrasounds ago the doctor freaked out because Evan is behind in growth and wanted to admit me right there and then, she didn't even know what for but that was her great solution! Instead of that we agreed to monitor him twice a week. About a week later we had an app with the OB and he said he didn't see the point on monitoring that closely because delivering early will not benefit anyone. Bottom line he's better off inside than outside. That for us represented both, a wake up call and a relief. Wake up call: doctors are not always right and we can use our brain and decide what we think is best for our baby. Relief: we don't have to spend every waking hour at the hospital with doctors and monitors, which, don't get me wrong, I would do a thousand times if that would do my son any good but it doesn't.

When we got out of that last appointment we had a lot of feelings. It was tough to hear the doctors give up on Evan by stating he won't survive. I cried, of course. At the same time I experienced a peace that can only come from my Father. It was as though He was saying "Evan is mine. He is in MY hands. No one else can do anything for him but ME. Know that I am his God." As hard as it has been to surrender our baby boy to God I don't think we've never experienced such peace and joy. We can laugh, and plan, and enjoy.

In very simple words, the doctors can't predict the outcome, they cannot give us a real diagnosis, they can't fix him right now, they can't give us any comfort or answers, they can't see the One who is sustaining our sons life. We, well we can't do ANYTHING other than pray, believe, and love the fruit of our love. Love him so much that we give him back to the One who made him. Love him so much that we cry and hurt and wait. Wait in our God who renews our strength. Wait with expectation of what we know HE is able to do. Wait on a miracle knowing that there is NOTHING IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM.

Complete and absolute dependence on other than yourself is not fun. But when that other is the Creator, the Prince of Peace, the Healer, the Savior, the Redeemer, the Giver of life, the Comforter...well your life could not be in better hands even if it's no fun!

We cannot see the whole picture, our vision is blured by tears and feelings but HE sees everything and He is carrying us through this valley becase HE is GOD indeed!

Can't wait to hold you little man!
BTW I am 32 weeks pregnant and our little warrior's heart is beating as strong as ever and he is kicking and pushing and punching ad though saying "I ain't going anywhere!".

Sunday, April 15, 2012

3 years into it... Part 2

So this is a bit overdue, I couldn't do it earlier but it's still april so it counts. Let's keep the memories coming!

In June 2010 I was hired by the Consulate, so our period of comfortable living begun. With the extra income we were able to a lot more relaxed with our spending (which we needed after being so tight in Mexico). We started looking into moving out of the apartment, into a house and buying a truck for Bruce. By the end of the year everything fell into place. We found a cute little house very close to CFA, we got Bruce a truck without going into debt and we had found out we were pregnant for the very first time.

Our first house!

The beater truck

Baby on the way!
In December my parents came over to visit, they stayed at our house during Christmas while we went to New York! That trip was kind of bittersweet because my parents were in our new house and we were away. It felt wrong but we had a good time together. When we came back we celebrated both Christmas and New Year together with my parents, it was a blessed time!

New York, New York

After that one of the most difficult times of our life began. When the year started we had no idea what awaited us. On January 7th we miscarried our first baby. It was one of the most painful experiences ever. It is sweet though to remember how my husband held my hand through it all, it brought us closer together. Shortly after in March we found out we were pregnant again, it hadn't sinked in yet when we miscarried again. It was heartbreaking, it made us question God a lot and even give up on the idea of having a baby for a while. It took us a couple of months to get back on our feet and even desire to keep trying. We weren't doing anything to avoid getting pregnant but we weren't actively trying either. Not until around July I think. It didn't happen for a couple of months. In September I decided to quit working at the Consulate. At the end of the month I suspected something was a bit off so I took a HPT: negative, oh well. A week went by and I still thought something was not normal, I took another HPT: POSITIVE! Our hearts were overjoyed. Now the waiting, waiting and praying this little one would stick, every cramp was a scare, thank God I didn't spot till week 12 I was still scared but the ultrasound kept showing a strong heartbeat as well as his intestins and liver being ourside. Another journey began, a journey of prayer, faith, and tears. This particular journey is not over yet, more on that in another post. I am currently 31 weeks pregnant, we are very excited as the day when we will meet our little boy approaches!

Our little cutie!

That on the baby front.

At the end of October I stopped working at the Consulate to start my own business and a full time housewife. During the months and now years that Bruce has being working at CFA he's grown and advanced, now he is a manager and his income has doubled from the one he started with. He does a wonderful job planning and executing Family Nights and I love that I can come help him! His boss loves him and his bosse's family has adopted us, they are such a blessing!

In November 2011 we went to Miami to my friend Zully's wedding and on our babymoon.

We spent Christmas at home just the two of us, a very beautiful time just bonding and creating memories!

Our feast!
By the end of the year we had to move ones more and we found an apartment close to our old house, it's smaller but we ara making it work! My mom came to visit and help us move, I wouldn't have been able to pull it off without her.

Welcome to our new home!
This year we started house hunting and we're waiting to hear about an offer we put in on a house in February. I'm loving being a full time housewife, and teaching Spanish and English! It's been a hard last year and a half but it has only made us grow. It has been wonderful to have Bruce by my side every step of the way and I wouldn't have it any other way. He is the best for me and I love him more than I ever thought I could love anyone.

Current family picture to follow, hopefully soon!

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

3 years into it... Part 1

Today is our 3rd year anniversary and to celebrate I want to do some reminiscing. Bruce and I were talking this morning and agreed on how fast time has gone by. It doesn't really feel like 3 years but at the same time we've shared so many things I think they are worth writing before we forget.

This is how it started:

You may kiss your bride!
Then off to our honeymoon, we spent a week in Cancun relaxing, enjoying and well you know doing what one does in a honeymoon ;):

Honeymooners dinner

In Jan 2009 Bruce had moved to Mexico City (where I was going to college) so we could get married. We found a tiny 1 bedroom apartment at walking distance from my school and really cheap. That was our very first home. We have so many memories of that little place, unfortunately we seem to have lost all the pictures. While living in that apt we added a member to our family, our ever faithful Booger:

He's brought lots chaos to our life but we love him!
We had our first Thanksgiving together which was a surprise for him, it was a good time:

First time carving the turkey as the
ma of the house!
 In December I graduated:

Cheers, with my college girls!
A couple of days later we got on a plane with 2 bags, 2 carry-ons, 2 personal items, and a dog on our way to California to spend the Holidays:

Happy Holidays 2009!

We spent the rest of the year in Cali and mid January we packed everything we owned in  the car God through my MIL blessed us with a we where on our way to Albuquerque, NM so I could do an internship at the Mexican Consulate here:

Yes, everything we owned fit in that little car!
Our first home in ABQ was a hotel room or 3. It didn't take us long to find a 1 bedroom apartment that we could afford which felt pretty big at the time:

No furniture at all!
 We filled it little by little and we barely spent any money in the process. God has always been faithful!:

The office

The diningroom

The entertainment center
In March, almost simultaneously I started my internship and Bruce found a job at what would become one of the bigget blessings in our life:

A very wonderful place!
This is how our family looked like in our first aniversary:
Cute little family
This will continue tomorrow...