Thursday, February 27, 2014

God's surprise

Who doesn't like a good surprise!? I know there are people that don't but I've always loved surprises. I like when someone loves me enough to take the time and effort to put together a surprise. I've received many surprises in life, some more pleasant than others and some bigger than others. 

The one I am going to tell you about is the biggest surprise I could ever receive and also the best! It was/is being orchestrated by God, who could ever love me more than my God? Anyway, without further ado...

Can you see it?
Just in case you have the same facial expression as Ethan does let me clarify:


Our 5th baby is in the oven. If you've read pretty much any of my previous posts you know that pregnancy is not the happiest place on earth for me. As happy and excited as I am there is always the lingering question: will I get to hold and bring home this baby? Having had a positive outcome with my last pregnancy I am not as nervous this time around but there are a million "what ifs" crossing my mind at any given time. 

It is a time of choosing to trust God every day no matter what comes and deciding to love this baby and enjoy this pregnancy (as much as I can with a 7-month-old wiggling around at home). 

Isn't it the best surprise ever? For the first time we were not seeking it, or trying or doing ovulation tests or even paying attention to the calendar and BOOM it happened! Deep in my heart I was kind of hoping it would happen like this for once so I am very very thankful and looking forward to holding this little one in September! 

It might take a huge belly for it to completely sink in though, it's weird to be thinking about another baby when it feels like you just had a baby yesterday. We're in for some exciting times around here!

What is the best surprise you've ever received?

Monday, February 17, 2014

Two (among many) things I’ve learned since having our rainbow baby

On May 24th of 2012, after a heart wrenching pregnancy, we found out that sometime in the last couple of days our son’s heart had stopped beating. I was in labor. They connected me to the monitors but couldn't find his heartbeat. They did an ultrasound to see what was going on. The silence coming from that monitor is the most deafening “sound” I've ever heard!  They decided to induce labor and that day at 3:22 pm I gave birth to our Evan Matthew. Saying goodbye to my sweet boy and walking out of that hospital empty handed have been the most difficult things I've ever had to do. If you would like to read the full story you can go here.

This post is not to talk about that day, the reality that we faced next when we were home without a belly and without a baby made me think different about many things. I would hurt when I heard (read) a mom saying how “sad” they were that their baby was growing. I would think “at least your baby IS growing and healthy, you should be thankful for that!” I would cringe when I heard (read) people complaining about their kids being annoying/keeping them up/being brats. I would think “at least your baby CAN be annoying/keep you up/be a brat, I wish mine could!” I sometimes would feel terrible thinking these things but I couldn't help it. I used to think when I got to bring a baby home I would cherish EVERY moment and that they would NEVER annoy me!

Fast forward to June 27th 2013 when we gave birth to our perfectly healthy Ethan Andrew! We brought him home and the parenting on this Earth began. After having him I've had to rethink my position on a few thought I used to have and here is what I've learned:

1. It IS bittersweet to see your baby grow. 
Don’t get me wrong I am thankful beyond measure that he is growing healthy but I still get a little sad when he hits a new milestone or grows out of yet another size of clothes/diapers. Now I get that those moms where not complaining they were just genuinely expressing that you want your baby to stay a baby for just a little longer!

2. Having kids CAN be annoying (as worth it and precious as it is).
Especially when they are itty bitty, it’s the middle of the night, you just went through major surgery to bring them to this world and they are crying nonstop for no apparent reason! I may or may not have wished that he would crawl back inside (sorry for the mental picture) so I could get a few hours of peace, quiet, and sleep. Not that I was getting much of the latter towards the end of pregnancy but at least I had the silence.

Life with a baby is hard and you can never fully prepare for it no matter how hard it was to get that baby in your arms. Of course when you know firsthand how fragile life can be you learn not to take it for granted. You learn to enjoy and cherish the moments you get with your kids more than most. However, you never stop being a human. Things are still hard, you still get tired and some days you just wish your precious son had an off switch that you could use to put them to bed early so you didn't have to stay up for another two hours till bath time!

Have you ever experienced something that changed the way you thought you would feel about something else? If you have a baby in Heaven and one or more on Earth do you relate? 

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

The day we thought would never come

It's here. It came and went and since we haven't moved in yet it still seems unreal! Today we closed on our first ever home! 

We are excited and nervous all at the same time. It is a nice, spacious home were we will be able to exercise our decorating muscles. I am thrilled with the possibilities, also we want to do everything right now, it's going to be hard to pace ourselves and wait for the right deals at the right time. What I am most happy about is all the extra room and that everything will have a home. 

We are going from a two bedroom apartment to a 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom, 2 living room, laundry room and big yard house. I feel I will finally be able to get organized and use some of the stuff that has been laying around in the house. As I mentioned before my goal is to have only what we are using or will use (say baby clothes and Christmas decorations) in the house. It's not going to be easy but I am determined! 

We are also excited to start our decorating from scratch, we are selling most of the decorating items we own and trading them for decorations that will go with the style we are looking for (insert lots of Pinterest searching here!). Anyway, we are excited and can't wait to move in on Wednesday!

I will be sharing how we turn our new house into our home, you are welcome to join me in this adventure!

Our New House!!!

We're back!

We flew back into town last Monday. We got back ready to kick it in high gear. With closing on our first home on Thursday and moving scheduled for Friday we only had a couple of days to finish packing. After scrambling around to get all the last papers over to our lender we found out on Wednesday that because of a mistake they made we would not be able to close on Thursday as planned. Which ended up being a blessing in disguise because they ended up giving us an unexpected lenders credit and we won't have a mortgage payment till April which will help us get our finances back on track, finally!

The down side is that when we started packing before we left we planned to be back home for only a couple of days and we were going to be so busy finishing up that we wouldn't even have time to cook or notice all the stuff that was already in boxes. We went from planning to be "living off of boxes" for three days to 8 days! It hasn't been easy but it's coming to an end and we are thrilled for what's coming!!!

Anyway, we had a wonderful time in Mexico. Lots of friends, family, and good food. Not only that but also a very needed week at the beach resting, swimming, and eating to our hearts content. Lots of "firsts" for our little one that we thoroughly enjoyed and the Abuelos where beyond themselves spoiling, holding, changing, and loving on Ethan which gave Bruce and I a very needed break as well as a few date nights with no extra babysitting charge! 

Besides all the "firsts" we lived in Mexico we also lived a couple of very significant events for our family. We had Ethan's dedication with the Pastor/dear friend that officiated our wedding and celebrated Ethan's 7 months with our friends and family there. Since we won't be there when he turns one, we decided to throw him a 7 month monster party which was a big success.  

I leave you with some pictures:

First flight, First Vacation, First Time Swimming, First Time at the Beach!

Thank you Abuelos for the best Christmas present ever!

More on the party and the dedication soon, stay tuned!