Tuesday, April 19, 2011

I'm afraid...

I'm afraid of a lot of things lately. Some fears are bigger than others and I struggle to surrender them to God (as I know I should).

One of the most constant fears or worries has been this coming weekend. It's Easter weekend and we are having Bruce's brother and family over. Don't get me wrong I'm excited to see them. We don't have family in town and have struggled to make friends so having family over is something we always look forward to. What puts a damper on the whole thing is that my sister-in-law is pregnant. (Which I'm very happy about). However, I was supposed to be pregnant too! Her due date is October 31st and mine was November 15th. So close! When I found out we both were pregnant I was so excited. I thought our kids would get along great being so close. Now all those plans and dreams are gone.

We never told his family about the second pregnancy. And I'm afraid that at any random moment I will just burst into tears, that I won't be able to handle the pain, that I will have to explain, that I will make them feel bad, that I will be jealous, that I will be a pain. I'm afraid to talk about their baby, to get mad when she complains about morning sickness. I'm afraid about so many things!

Anyway, maybe I should just focus on how happy I am to have a new niece/nephew, to see lil Z and hang out with J&A. Because if I've learned something during this time is to count my blessings and be thankful for what I do have. But I can't help being afraid!

I choose YOU!

Is there only ONE person for each of us to marry or can you make it work with anybody? This was the discusion my husband, a friend, and I were having a couple of weeks ago. 

We talked about it for a while and we happen to have different opinions and I'm not going to write them all. Where I am going with this is the conclusion my husband and I agreed on. My husband is very practical and incredibly good at putting anything into words. I love this man and his conclusion (which I agree with) made me smile!

So here it is, and I quote: " There are many people with whom it could be easier for me out there and many people that would be better for me in different ways but I don't want them, I CHOOSE YOU, I LOVE YOU FOR YOU, I LOVE THE GOOD AND BAD ABOUT YOU AND I DON'T WANT ANYBODY ELSE!"

What a blessing to know that both, God in His perfection and my husband in his imperfection, love me for ME! I'm a blessed woman!

 My wonderful husband and I

Friday, April 8, 2011

A song that became my prayer

This song touches me so deeply, first because I know my heart hasn't reflected praise at all times during or after my losses (specially the first one) and second because I truly want praise to be my first response no matter what the circumstance in my life is.

Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name

Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name
May this be a prayer that flows from your heart no matter the circumstances you are going through. 
REMEMBER WHAT JESUS SAID: "In the world you'll have trouble. But cheer up! I have overcome the world." Thank you Jesus!

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Anniversary and a lost Booger!

Monday was a mixed-feelings day. On one hand it was our two years anniversary happy happy happy! My husband sent me flowers to my office which made me smile. I didn't see him much because he got off work at midnight but the flowers were amazing! A beautiful reminder of how loved I am! My heart still tickles when I see them!

Anyway, moving on to the bitter-sweet part of the day. I got home with flowers, purse, folders and stuff in hand. Booger (our beautiful chocolate lab) was there, as always, wagging his tail waiting for me to come say hi. I had so much stuff in my hands I went in the house through the other door so he wouldn't jump on me.

 Booger when he was a puppy (isn't he cute?)

About an hour and a half later I decided to let him in to keep me company. When I went out he was GONE!!! I tried not to panic, got in the car and started driving around yelling his name...an hour later nothing. Booger was nowhere to be seen! I started freaking out. To make a long story short my husband found him in the pound the next day. 

The good news we found him! The bad news they wanted 50 bucks and they had to neuter him, but we wanted to breed him! Oh well it's the law. So yesterday Bruce picked him up, he was still out of it because of the anesthesia. When I got home I felt horrible, I laid with him on the floor and pet him for a long time. Today he's a lot better slowly coming back to being his crazy self. I love my doggy! So thank God the end of the story is a happy one, our dog is back and we've been happily married for 2 amazing years!

And in celebration of our 2nd anniversary I leave you with a picture of our wedding!

One of the best days ever!