Monday, August 25, 2014

On pain and Rainbow Babies

Something has been weighing in my mind since we got pregnant with Ethan and today I re-read this quote and thought it might be a good time to share: 

We call rainbow babies to those born after a loss.
They are beauty after the storm.
We did not know about the concept of Rainbow Babies before we lost our Evan. We didn't really know about Rainbow Babies until we had our Ethan.

Having a Rainbow Baby is an interesting thing.

Losing a child changes you in many many ways. It changes the way you see the world, faith, and even yourself. Things that used to be important are not anymore and things that you never thought about now are the center of your thoughts. 

When you get the opportunity to be a parent to another baby, one that stays with you on this side of Heaven, you cherish more, you hold tighter, you love deeper. But here is the thing, having a Rainbow Baby doesn't "make up" for your loss. There is no replacing the precious life that is no longer with you. It doesn't make it all OK. It doesn't make you forget. It doesn't take the pain away. Experience has taught me that at times it even makes your heart hurt a little bit more because you find yourself thinking "If he were here, he would be...". It makes you miss what you'll never have. It makes you wonder how it would be.

You really never forget and you shouldn't. Evan is as much a part of our family as any other of our children. We love to talk about him. We love it when people ask or talk about him. We want our kids on earth to know they have a brother in Heaven. We know he was real and we like it to be acknowledged as such. He is and forever will be a very important part of our family. The way we love him and the way we love our babes on Earth may be different but we love him nonetheless. That is a topic for another post.

So that's where my heart is. As the picture says the rainbow doesn't mean the storm never happened (even a double rainbow) it means we get the privilege of enjoying something beautiful even in the midst of the pain. For that I am thankful.

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