The craziest of times

The Holidays are over. We have a brand new year ahead of us with lots of hopes and dreams. We are kicking off the year in crazy mode around here. As I mentioned in my previous post we are traveling to Mexico, closing on our very first home and moving in all in the next couple of weeks! 

In true Coy fashion we seem to be doing it all at the same time and praying God will take care of the things that are not in our control! I am so excited about the house! We are getting a good deal and there are so many projects I want to take on. Our mortgage payment will be a bit higher than what we pay for rent now so all the updates will have to be done on a budget but as a frugal shopper, yard sale lover, deal hunter, etc. I am taking it as a personal challenge to accomplish an expensive look for an inexpensive price tag!

I am sure I am going to learn a lot in this process and that makes me happy! I will be posting my inspiration, projects, before/afters, and more over here so please join me int this adventure and let's learn together!

Last and First

So life has been crazy days have come and gone and I just haven't seemed to make the time to write. I like to write a last post looking back at what our year was and I had planned to write a first looking forward to what we hope this year will be but since I didn't we will count this one as both the last of 2013 and the first of 2014.

2013 started with a pregnant me about 3 months along. Pregnancy is not a happy place for me but although we were nervous we were also very excited. Most of the first half of the year the pregnancy was our main focus. I remember being nervous about finding out if it was a girl or a boy, and seriously doubting whether I would be ok if it was a girl. I was so thankful God gave me the desire of my heart and I got another boy!  Then we were worried about him being breech and me having a c-section which ended up happening and I hated the anesthesia.

May 24th was our Evan's first birthday, it was a hard day. The middle of the year brought one of my most cherished blessings. I can't say this was the year I became a mother but it was the year we finally got to take our baby home, our 4th baby. The one we get to parent and see grow. That has been bittersweet because I can't help look at him and think about my Evan and what he would be up to now. But I am beyond thankful for a healthy growing baby boy.

As you can imagine the second half of the year has been exciting. Lots of learning, enjoying, and loving. This boy has stolen our hearts and we can't imagine our life without him anymore. We have had to discipline ourselves so he would sleep through the night. We've had to give up things to care for him and we've learn what it is to love someone more than you love yourself. It has been hard at times and it's just the beginning but we wouldn't have it any other way. We are in love!

One last note about 2013 it was a little weird not being pregnant during the Holidays this year. I've been pregnant for the Holidays every year since 2010, that's 3 years in a row! 

We celebrated our Ethan's first Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year. We enjoyed sweet family time. It was a quiet end of the year which was just what we needed seeing that 2014 will start with a whirlwind. We are buying our first house and going to Mexico for a week and a half all in January. We need to pack our house, get bids for a new roof, sign papers and go to underwriting before we leave then we will have some glorious time with friends and family and when we come back we will have exactly 4 days to close and move in to our new house. Saying we have lots and lots to do would be an understatement! 

Also I've been working on a few goals I have for this year to improve my spirit, soul and body.That will be in another post, now I have to go wrap up the day! 

1/2 a year

I know, I know all I blog about lately is my son... maybe that has to do with the fact that he is my life right now! 

Anyway, today my baby is 6 months old, half a year of an amazing journey in which I have discovered a different kind of love. I never knew it was possible to love someone like I love this little guy, who by the way is anything but little! Everybody keeps telling me how big he is and everything was put into perspective for me when someone told me their one-year-old is 21 pounds, Ethan was 18 lbs. 10 oz. at his 4 month appointment so he is BIG!

I am beyond in love with him he has such a beautiful character. 

I love to do a "mini" photo session every month, daddy says I torture the boy but I'm taking advantage of him not being mobile or talking yet. I say "mini" because in my had I shot only a couple of pictures and when I download them I find out I took 360 pictures, how did that happen? And then it is sooo hard to get rid of them so I end up with about 50 pictures of the same pose because he looks cute!!!

Here's his 6 month picture (one of many): 

He is exploring everything with his mouth!

It is awesome to see him grow, explore and discover the world. He's rolling back to tummy and tummy to back. When he's laying down he tries to pull himself up. He can sit and stand with a little help. At the rate he's growing he will be running around and talking in about 3 seconds. It is amazing how fast they grow but I have a feeling my boy might be in more of a hurry than most! 

We love every minute with you son, let's discover together!

His First Christmas!

June 27th was the start of a year of firsts that we are enjoying immensely! 

It's been a wonderful couple of days. Daddy had to work on Tuesday but to our surprise he came home an hour early. Once he was home the festivities officially began. 

Our Christmas Eve was full of...

Christmas Jammies

Christmas Crafts,

Family Picture Attempts,

Presents from Daddy, 

Presents from Mommy,

and lots of fun. We are loving this parenting thing! Ethan has such a beautiful temperament which makes everything that much more enjoyable.

Christmas Day was lots of fun too, we...

had a quiet morning,

enjoyed lunch and presents with friends that are family,

took pictures with mommy

and just mom and dad,

it was a special time in which we felt loved and started some Christmas traditions for our young family!

Today is back to normal but our hearts are full and we are looking forward to many more firsts in this little guy's life. 

We love you son, Merry First Christmas!

These mixed feelings

Tomorrow my baby will be 5 months old, I read it and know it but it's still hard to believe! I know EVERY mom says this but I'll say it anyway: they grow SO fast! I look at him and wonder where did my newborn go? I understand that he has been growing since the moment he was conceived but this past couple of weeks it has been so much more evident. Last Monday I looked at him and saw something different. He did not look like my tiny new baby anymore. I saw an older boy looking back at me, not just in size but there was something about his face that looked all "grown up"!  

Yesterday at around 3 pm he woke up from nap time screaming bloody murder, which is totally unlike him. I couldn't figure out what was wrong and teething didn't even cross my mind. Later at bath time I felt his first little tooth coming through, besides the guilt for not having any idea that that was what was bothering my boy I felt so many mixed feelings! Also he started using stage 3 diapers and hes has finally crossed that stage into 6 month clothes. For a few weeks now he has been right where 3m clothes are kind of snug but still fit and 6m clothes fit but are a tad big. Well no more, 3m clothes don't fit anymore!  It all seems to be happening at the same time. Also yesterday he started trying to turn from back to front. He has only turned from front to back twice but he's already trying! 

Growing so fast!

After we lost Evan and reading FB updates that said "my baby is growing so fast and I want to cry!" or "I'm a little sad my baby reached this or that milestone" it would make me angry. I would think how can you be sad that your baby is growing? At least he IS growing! Be thankful for that! I will never see my baby grow, he will never reach milestones, he will never do any of the things your baby is doing, just be happy! I would give ANYTHING to see my boy do what yours is doing! 

Now that we have Ethan I get it. Those moms don't mean anything bad by that, they are not being negative and they are thankful. I see my son so happy and healthy. He was tiny for what seemed like the blink of an eye and I'm sure every stage will seem that way once it's gone. When he leaves behind a size in diapers or clothes, when he turns over or discovers how to use his hands there's a part of me that is proud and happy beyond believe that my baby is healthy but there is always this little part of me that wants to cry because a little piece of my baby slips away with every milestone. It's not easy but I want to make it a point to spend time soaking him in at every stage. Making memories and watching him grow strong. This makes me want to be present making his every stage the best that it can be!

I love you Ethan, keep on growing son!

A plea for the unborn

I know there is a lot of controversy regarding abortion. When does life start? Is it really murder? Don’t I (the mother) get to have a choice over my own body? Is what’s or who’s in my womb a real person? A fetus can’t feel or can they? I don’t want to get into a technical discussion, although I will say just for the record, that I believe with all my heart that life starts at conception and from that moment on we should value, cherish, and protect it NO MATTER WHAT! “That’s easier said than done” you might say. Let me tell you my story.

I write this with no intention to condemn but with the hope that my story will inspire and bless whoever reads it. We lost two precious babies due to miscarriage before we found ourselves pregnant with our sweet Evan Matthew. At our 12 week ultrasound we found out there was something going on with our boy’s body. They couldn’t see exactly what it was but it looked like his intestines hadn’t traveled back inside when they should have. Hearing this made my heart sink to my stomach. As you can imagine we were given the option to terminate the pregnancy which for us WAS NOT AN OPTION. Needless to say we were given this option suggestion every time we had and appointment even though we declined EVERY time.

From then on we prayed and prayed, our friends and family prayed and prayed. We knew we were going to carry OUR baby to term NO MATTER WHAT. We didn’t know what would happen, every ultrasound we hoped to hear that everything was fine and that we didn’t have to worry anymore but that never happened. It was a very difficult time and doctors didn’t make it any easier but we pulled through. Our Evan Matthew passed away in my womb at 37 weeks. It wasn’t what we wanted or what we expected but today I can proudly say I fought for my baby. We knew it was our responsibility. We knew he deserved a chance. We believed that there was a chance the doctors were wrong. More so we know our God has the power to heal him. Who are we to do anything other than protect his life however short it would be?

Also let me tell you something, holding him in my arms was one of the most beautiful experiences of my life and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I LOVE him so much I would not be the same without my Evan and I am at peace knowing that my baby knew his mom and daddy love him.

So as you can see choosing life was NOT easy although not choosing life was never an option for us. I know full well the fear and pain a situation like this can bring but abortion would have only added guilt and more pain to the mix. Today we know that we took care of our son to the best of our knowledge and ability with God’s help. It is our responsibility as human beings to defend our own no matter how small or sick they might be, actually allow me to rephrase that we MUST defend our own WHEN and BECAUSE they are small and sick. We DON’T get to dispose of a HUMAN LIFE because it doesn’t meet the standards we have set.

If you think you are out of options think again, there are many couples willing to adopt and love children; couples that can’t have babies of their own, couples that have a mission to love and care for special needs children. If you think you can’t take care of your unborn baby for any reason look for a family that will and give them both a chance! 

The way I feel right now

Ever since I remember I've wanted 4 kids. When I met my husband that was one of the things we had in common. 4 is his magic number as well. That was before we ever knew how hard it can be to bring kids into this world and I'm not referring to labor and delivery or the financial side of it. In November 2010 we found out we were pregnant for the first time and it wasn't until June 2013 that we got to take a healthy baby boy home after 2 miscarriages and a stillbirth. So you see my point.

After Evan was born it didn't take long for us to want to try again, we just wanted a baby so bad! I got pregnant 5 months later and the whole time Bruce would kind of joke "hurry up so we can get another one in there!". I felt the same way, "let's get this baby out so we can get more!". Ethan was a c-section so we have to wait to avoid complications but during this time that I have been focused on our son rather than getting pregnant many other thoughts and feelings have crossed my mind.

For a while I thought we've paid our dues, for sure we won't have any more difficult pregnancies. However, recently I've been following a blog of a lady that lost her twins at 19 weeks and a year later lost her baby boy which of course they did not expect and another lady from a blog I follow just had a miscarriage after many others and a stillbirth. This makes me feel like there is no reassurance of no more heartbreak. Any of it could happen again and I would survive, I know I would but the heartbreak, that, is something I would rather never experience again.

I am in no way ready to be done but there is a part of me that thinks "we got what we wanted, we have a perfectly healthy, easy, and gorgeous baby boy why get ourselves into more potential heartbreak?". One look at Ethan makes all the anxiety and worry during pregnancy more than worth it. I would do it again in a heart beat if only I could know that everything will be OK but I can't know that so I'll leave it to God. He knows what I don't and he will get us through whatever comes just as He has before.